Enough is Enough
For the majority of my life I told myself I would never be with and therefore never marry someone who was addicted to football. Fast forward to me today and now I’m adding “addicted to WOW or any video game” in general to my manta. The phrase, “everything in moderation” is synonymous with this manta. In the beginning of this relationship I’m in now, my boyfriend and I talked about his gaming. I should have seen this as a warning sign; call me naive but I just saw it as drawing our boundaries. On our drive to pick up my dream dog in a city 4 hours away, he told me that he will not have a girl tell him to stop gaming; that is how he socializes with his friends; whom he knows in “RL” but hardly does anything with in “RL”. Before I continue, let me explain that I am big gamer myself, whether it is Halo, Gears of War, Call of Duty, Fable, and some WOW. So understanding that, when he said he wouldn’t stop gaming, I viewed it from my perspective; I enjoy playing video games, why would I want to take him away from something he enjoys. My response then, was of course! There’s no way I could do that to you, to anyone! Press fast forward again. I’m still in the relationship, but we’ve had many a fight and some being about his gaming. I wonder if he has a better relationship with his level 85 “toons” then he does with me. I’ve contemplated giving him an ultimatum, me or the game. But I can’t, I can’t do it. I’m unsure if it’s because I think he’ll choose WOW; or if it’s because I fear how he’ll respond in general. I don’t enjoy making him angry, it scares me actually; not meaning he abuses me, but that I cannot stand confrontation, and making someone mad at me. Am I ridiculous? Ridiculous for thinking that he would even change? Why do we (girls) do this! We get sucked into a relationship and when the biggest factor of your happiness is challenged, we try and fix it. You can’t FIX him. If he doesn’t want to be fixed/changed/bettered, then move on. But, I can’t. Call it ignorant bliss, but I say it’s my hope, my hope for a happy life; that and I don’t think I can handle “dating” again. The worse part about dating someone with an addiction, is that they don’t think they have an addiction and take offense to being considered addicted to WOW. You start to try and convince yourself that he’s not, but every day you see yourself slowly but surely being ignored and the little or big signs that he’s just not as into you as he is this game make themselves obvious again. It’s scary, especially when you live with him and your lease doesn’t end for several more months. My stomach is turning now, because I’m scared of what’s to come in the near future. I’m a strong and confident woman, I deserve the world. However, I’m not that person 24/7 with him. I’m scared of going home tonight; I don’t want to see him mad, or angry at me for posting this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He says he’s not addicted. Yet, it sure seems like he enjoys spending time on this game far more than he does spending time with me. I’m not competing with a game, because I know it will always be there for him. And I know, that I won’t be, that I can’t be. I will not be that girl. I want someone who wants to spend time with me, that wants to explore the real world with me. I think the only thing holding me here in this place is fear of the unknown; as well as fear of the next few months in this lease. Can I hold tight to my beliefs? Do I have it in me to put my foot down and say “enough is enough”?