Don't want to relapse
Over the last three years I have accumulated 120 days /played across my characters, give or take time spent messing around on alts since deleted. I decided to quit two years ago for college, but found myself not replacing it with anything else. I got bored and despondent. Increasingly all I looked forward to was the next expansion, and when it was released I went back and spent most of my waking hours playing. On Christmas Eve that year I was running Violet Hold until 2AM; I started playing again in earnest and barely survived the academic year. After term ended my entire waking life consisted in the game and a part-time job; I was a bleeding-edge raider in Ulduar and had Sarth 3D under my belt. It was only when I got seriously sick in the autumn that I stopped playing - the cycle was broken only when I couldn't sit up after abdominal surgery. When I reloaded the game it seemed pointless and I went back into the real world.
That winter one of my former raiding buddies told me to go back. I said no any number of times, until I gave in. I don't know why, can't rationally say a good reason why I did. I just wanted to. When the client was done loading I sat there for a good hour staring at the button. I felt sick just thinking about it, and the things the game had cost me. I felt like throwing up as I clicked it, but I was back in the game. Eventually I got sucked into the new content and everything was the way it was before, for a couple of weeks at least. But the friends I'd made on hiatus pulled me through. They had no idea I played, but they kept me out of the house and gave me a reason not to stay online. My college grades improved dramatically and I had a genuine social life for the first time since I'd started playing.
In the summer break from college, however, they weren't there. I started to play again. By the time Cataclysm was released, I was dealing with several pressures in real life and retreated back into the game. For the first month of release I was back to playing almost nonstop. I attempted to quit again two months ago, but today I had a chance encounter with an acquaintance who still plays. My life is currently going well, and I know that will change if I start playing again. But there's still this burning desire to reinstall and go back. Please, somebody remind me why I don't want to do that. I can feel my will slipping, I can see myself losing my identity again into this meaningless, unfulfilling fantasy world. I don't want my highest ambition to be becoming a Gladiator on my Frost Mage, but those desires are descending on me.